Checklist for Repentance

If they are genuinely repentant, abusers will:

    • Stop all blame-shifting. Stop blaming their spouse. Stop making excuses.
    • Commit to going to a professionally run Behaviour Change Group for spouse-abusers.
    • Admit, confess and accept responsibility for all their abuse, in full detail.
    • Identify the attitudes that drive their abusiveness.
    • Relinquish their attitudes of entitlement and superiority over their partner, even the last bastion and stronghold of their selfish sense of entitlement.
    • Be accountable to group leaders, probation officers, courts, and any others who are overseeing their actions and attitudes.
    • Accept the consequences of their actions.
    • Resist feeling sorry for themselves if they have to pay consequences.
    • Be honest and non-manipulative in their communication.
    • Be empathetic to the multiple and long-lasting effects of their abuse on the partner and children.
    • Attempt to right the wrongs by restoring losses which they've caused to their victims.
    • Allow the hurt partner and children to take as much time as they need to heal.
    • Not attempt to use behavioural improvements as bargaining chips.
    • Not demand credit for behavioral improvements.
    • Carry their own weight in all matters, including parenting.
    • Develop respectful, kind, supportive behaviors.
    • Change how they respond to the grievances of their partners.
    • Accept that overcoming abusiveness will be a decades-long process.
Adapted from Lundy Bancroft's article Checklist for Assessing Change in Men who Abuse Women. The adaptation was to put it in language that Christians would relate to more.